Welcome to Numbers You Didn't Know You Needed, a series in which E! News channels its inner mathlete. This is where we play the numbers game, and get a little nerdy to bring you a lot of revelations. Have you ever noticed that Leonardo DiCaprio is always on a Citi Bike? Or that Lindsay Lohan is constantly putting her finger in her mouth? Now you will. You may not be staying up nights wondering just how many times Lauren Conrad wore a headband on The Hills, but after our investigation it'll be all you can think about. So come along on this mathematical journey, won't you? Life will never be the same.
Taylor Swift is known for many things. Her musical prowess. Writing amazing breakup songs. Having two bizarre-looking cats.
But to this writer, she'll always be the singer who constantly carries an empty purse. How do we know it's empty, you ask? Because we have eyes. And because we understand the laws of physics. If a purse is tinier than any single belonging that a person could have—keys, iPhones, snacks—then there's no chance that any of said items could be inside that purse. Similarly, if a purse is heavy or large, no human's arm could bear its weight in the way in which Taylor holds her purses. Not even Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, much less our tiny wisp of a girl here.
As such, the mystery of Taylor Swift's purses is one that haunts us daily. Where does she actually keep her things? How does she remember to bring both a real purse and a dummy purse? Does she practice placing her arm just so? The conclusion we've come to, totally unscientifically, is that an assistant and/or bodyguard and/or driver is the one who carries the actual tote full of actual necessary belongings, and the decorative purse is for just that: decoration.
Of course, this is all just a conspiracy theory, but how else do you explain all these gravity-and-science-defying bags?
So now, let's get to the good stuff. The number of times that E! News has captured Taylor Swift carrying a seemingly empty purse is: 30.
30 times she has left the house with a tote that couldn't possibly contain a single item. And that's not even counting all the times she managed to do so undercover. We salute you, Tay, and now we're going to evaluate all these occasions.
We're starting with what we call the Doll Purses. Like this taupe number, which is clearly the jewelry box from a Polly Pocket set.
There was this chain-strap over-the-shoulder bag, which is so thin that the only assumption is that it's either empty, or Taylor owns the unreleased iPhone 12, which has the width of a piece of printer paper.
Here she is with Taylor Swift, modeling American Girl doll Molly's favorite bag.
This purse is so small that we can't even tell if it's a purse at all. But she's holding whatever it is in her hands and it's clearly just for show, so we're going to go ahead and count it.
One of our personal favorites is this little diddy, which is so minuscule that you need a magnifying glass to see it. But once you do, you're treated to the fact that it's in the shape of a teeny tiny kitty cat.
Here, we see the one occasion in which Taylor let her secret-bag guard down, because any person can clearly tell that she has hidden all of her belongings within the vast folds of her jacket.
We now progress into the category of bags in which they are large enough to contain everyday necessities, but clearly do not. Here, Taylor demonstrates the perfect form for showing the world that you have but a dainty empty bag on your dainty forearm.
Sometimes Taylor dresses all in black while she's carrying her empty purses, so as to disappear into the night.
She wore this empty purse to lunch at Los Angeles' Sugarfish.
She wore this empty purse to go on a double date with Joe Jonas, Gigi Hadid and Calvin Harris.
And this empty purse is actually just a figment of our imagination. You may be convinced you see a tiny doll-sized purse, but in reality you see light waves bouncing against each other just so.
She carries empty purses through the airport.
She carries empty purses while walking the streets of Tribeca.
She even carries empty purses while walking out of famed LA hotspot eatery Katsuya.
She brought this empty envelope masquerading as a purse to Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party.
She brought this empty purse to an antique store in Agoura Hills.
She brought this empty purse to Soho.
She brought this empty purse, which clearly is not full of workout clothes, to the gym.
Her favorite empty purses are mono toned and very, very boxy.
And she's certainly not afraid to carry the same empty purse twice.
If you ask us, the boxy frame is all the better to disguise the lack of items inside.
The only thing she needs to focus on is making sure the purse doesn't swing off her arm entirely.
This was a personal favorite empty purse, when the purse was so empty that she also had the strength to carry her cat, Olivia Benson.
But we should also give some love to this beautiful and dainty number.
Or this very empty snakeskin number.
In 2014 she started pairing her empty purses with eye-catching crop tops in an attempt to distract us from their emptiness.
But she also diverts attention with hair bows and crazy shoes.
But sometimes a gal just likes to go classic with her empty purse.
After all, can't she just be herself while she's carrying her empty purse? Let's all let Taylor and her empty purse live.