Prashant Gupta/ FXHave you already seen tonight's Sons of Anarchy episode?
If not, get off the spoiler-tastic Interwebs and dive into that DVR already, willya?
If yes, get in here, because there was a huge reveal tonight that might just influence the show's mythology for years to come and that we must discuss:
Squee! Tara is six weeks pregnant with Jax's baby!
This is great news for us Jax-Tara fans, it's probably less-great news for Jax Teller's right pectoral muscle, where he's presumably going to get his second kid's name tattooed. But forget Jax for a second—what does it mean for the clearly ambivalent Dr. Knowles? How does she handle this huge development?
We got to thinking about what kind of advice Tara might need right now, as a nice girl who'd gotten herself knocked up by MC royalty. So here's our (spoiler-free, FYI) guide to everything Tara should know about being Jax Teller's maybe baby-mama.
What To Expect When You're Expecting a Biker Prince's Baby: A Guide for Newly Pregnant Local-Girl-Made-Good Witch Doctors
Should I have a boy or a girl?
Since the gender of your child is totally under your control, let's review the pros and cons of each option.
In favor of having a girl, there is this: (1) Girls get much cuter outfits! (2) With Abel plus a girl, you've got one of each and you're done, (3) Things turned out way better for Meadow Soprano than they did for either Christopher Moltisanti or A.J. Soprano. We're just sayin'. And then in the "con" column of having a girl, there's the fact that by traditional law of primogeniture, girls are forbidden from inheriting the throne. Fie.
And in favor of having a boy, there's this: (1) When you're dealing with crown princes, it's always good to have an heir and a spare, (2) You could name him Tommy, after Jax's dead little brother, and sit back to watch all the crazy that kicks up, (3) You'll save money on baby clothes by giving the new kid all of Abel's hand-me-down SAMCRO swag. But then again, on the downside for boys, there is this: (1) If we remember our history correctly, it tends to get ugly at court when there are multiple possible heirs favored and promoted by multiple would-be queens regent, (2) Or to put it another way: Mo' power, mo' problems.
I previously aborted my stalker ex-boyfriend's baby at six weeks gestation. Can I do that again with my current boyfriend's baby?
No offense to the sisterhood at large, but we're relatively certain that for you, Dr. Knowles, the abortion road leads directly to hateful, shriveled-up, spinster cronehood, at least in Jungian terms. Seriously, if Jax Teller's seed finds purchase in the rocky place that is your womb, just go with it, gurl.
Can I give it up for adoption?
Sure, you can absolutely try to give it up for adoption, but be forewarned: Foundling orphans with royal blood are like boomerangs. No matter how far away you throw them, they always end up returning to the palace from whence they came. Always.
Do you have any wisdom for expectant mother Tara? Or maybe just congratulations for the prince of Charming on the impending birth (hopefully) of his second kiddo? Hit the comments with your reaction to tonight's Sons of Anarchy episode, "Turning and Turning."