Jessie J paused her show in Los Angeles to talk about a tragic loss: The miscarriage she suffered just days earlier.
On Wednesday, Nov. 24, the 33-year-old British pop star announced on Instagram that she had gotten pregnant after deciding to have a baby on her own. She said that a day earlier, she went in for her third ultrasound and was told there was no longer a fetal heartbeat. On Wednesday evening, Jessie talked about her miscarriage during an emotional performance at her intimate, acoustic show at the Hotel Cafe music bar in Los Angeles, as seen in a video posted by TMZ.
"I decided to have a baby by myself," she said, tearfully, "and then by a miracle, it worked for a little while. And yesterday, yeah, yesterday was f--king s--t."
In 2018, Jessie talked during a concert at London's Royal Albert Hall about her battle with infertility, saying that four years prior, she was told she couldn't have children. "When the doctor told me, my reaction was, 'Oh hell nooooooo,'" Jessie sang at the time, as the crowd applauded. She also received support from then-boyfriend Channing Tatum.
Jessie later said on Instagram that despite a doctor's recommendation, she refused to undergo a hysterectomy. She added, "I will be a mother."
In 2019, she revealed to the U.K. newspaper The Times that she has adenomyosis, a condition in which the tissue that lines the uterus grows into the organ's muscle wall, which increases infertility and the chance of pregnancy loss. A hysterectomy is the most drastic form of treatment.
"Some days it seems possible I might have children and others not," she told the outlet. "I have to accept that becoming a mother is going to be a battle."
Jessie's miscarriage comes amid a harrowing past 10 months for the singer.
"This year has been, hands down, the hardest year that I've ever had to get through," the singer said at her Hotel Cafe show. "December last year, I lost my hearing."
During a December 2020 Instagram Live session, Jessie said she was treated for Meniere's disease, an inner ear disorder that can cause vertigo and hearing loss. At the time, she said, "I woke up and felt like I was completely deaf in my right ear, couldn't walk in a straight line."
Onstage at her Nov. 24 concert, Jessie continued, "And then I lost my voice, which was f--king awful, just because I didn't know who I was without singing. And then I lost my baby."
The pop star has been singing professionally since the late '90s, when she made her West End Theatre debut at age 10 in the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Whistle Down the Wind. In June, Jessie said on Instagram that she was battling a throat condition that has affected her ability to sing, and that it started several months prior.
Jessie performed at the Hotel Cafe a day before Thanksgiving. The holiday season is particularly painful for many women who have lost babies or otherwise struggle with infertility as social media is inundated with family photos and holiday-themed pregnancy announcements.
"And I know I'm going to be OK, because there really is nothing else to choose in the way I live. But I wanted to be here tonight because the one thing that I believe in the most in this whole, entire universe, beyond surface conversations and Instagram and the Internet, is being human," Jessie said, weeping, "and being vulnerable and being real. And I've never felt more alone than I have in the past week."
She added, "But I don't feel alone right now."